just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
