I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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