Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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