I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
