READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
