Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
