apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This baby is an asshole
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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