i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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