this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
