she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
