Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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