guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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