I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pants are for mortals
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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