Welp...herpes.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
