Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
