my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You made out with two different species that night
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
