i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
