EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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