i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
