is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
