If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
