so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
