my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
