I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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