So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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