Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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