apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
