I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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