Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
