dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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