We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
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I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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