Umm I'm too high to move.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
