He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
