My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
