Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
