my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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