He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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