I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
he just fucked me for my cheese..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
