I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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