i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them