It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
