i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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