So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize