Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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