should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
