Fuck appropriateness.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
