She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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