youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
