I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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