im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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