god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
