i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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