Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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