I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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