i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
