That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
