i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
