I'm really into asian looking animals
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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