Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
