I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
