I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
