Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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