Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
