Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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