I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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