I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
